Monday, August 29, 2016

I'm moving, again

Dear Internet Friends,

I talked back in January, when I revealed some of my personal goals, about how 2016 was going to be a big year for me. So here we are, it's September (what the hell BTW? How did this happen?) and big things are on the horizon.

A week ago I gave notice to my landlady that I'll be moving out at the end of September. EEK. So, where am I moving exactly? In with the BF. Double eek. I've spent the last week savoring every drive home from work, since my commute will just about triple once I move (15 minutes to 45 minutes), I'll no longer live near my favorite ice cream place, favorite grocery store location or favorite breakfast place. Don't even get me started on having to find a new Chinese takeout place with good Wonton Soup. AH. Tell me you all have been through this.

I'm sure about this. The BF is my person. We've talked engagement & marriage, and it's in our future. But, considering I've lived on my own (or with a roommate) for 8 years now, but never with a significant other, this feels pretty huge. I know there are details and things we need to figure out before I waltz in the door with a bunch of boxes. So I'm scouring the Internet for tips & tricks. What are yours?

What do we need to discuss before I move in? We've talked about money - who pays for what & how we'll split things, and pet peeves, because why that man leaves dirty dishes in the sink when the empty dishwasher is 4 inches away is beyond me. He also doesn't understand how I can leave dirty wet clothes on the bathroom floor, but obviously that's besides the point!

There's the obvious stuff, like who's bed will we keep (his), what dishes will we use (fingers crossed for mine), and how we'll divvy up the chores.

Then there's the not so obvious stuff, like, can I keep my granny panties? Do tampons go on the grocery list if I know he's shopping, or make my own private run? And how do I convey the fact that the drawers in the fridge are not beer drawers. They're for vegetables! HELLLPPP!

What if it turns out I hate him? I mean, he likes to come home from work and do stuff. And I don't mean eat dinner & watch Netflix. He does things like chores around the house, and cleaning. I don't understand when he watches Netflix. Does this mean I have to come home from work & be productive? Does this mean I have to wear a bra after work? I hope not. Ain't nobody got time for that.

Do we play Chinese Firedrill in the driveway every morning because the driveway is only one car wide - but street parking is kind of a no go? How do we have alone time when we're in the same house? A 1.5-ish bedroom house. Okay, technically two bedrooms, but I've seen closets bigger than that. And what if I want to just take a shit and read blog posts on my phone, but he needs to brush his teeth?

How does any of this work?
Laugh at me, commiserate with me, offer me advice.
Something. Please.

Sincerely,
Panicked in Pittsburgh

Linking up with Holly & Tricia for Weekend Highlights

36 comments:

  1. Wow, this is a really big step and also congratulations!
    I've never officially lived with a significant other... but I basically have. I stay over my current s/o's house literally every night and have my own toothbrush, multiple drawers of clothes, laundry hamper, and also give my say on interior decorating choices. So for all intents and purposes, we live together.
    Every question you're asking about personal privacy, free time for yourself, etc... all of this should come with time. If you aren't already super comfortable being your uncensored and flawed self around your BF, you sure will be soon! Maybe my relationship is just very weird, and TOO comfortable since we go to the bathroom with the door open... but oh well.
    The only thing I can see becoming an issue is the parking situation. No one wants to move a car they don't need to use in the morning in the dead of winter. But I'm sure you'll find a way to work it out. At the very least, make sure the cars are situated for work the next morning before you go to sleep. Because like I said, no one wants to wake up before they have to, and move a car in the dead of winter.
    Good luck! Let us know how it goes :)
    Danielle @ afloat on a full sea

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    1. That sounds like where were at right now. Though I'm hoping he will always choose to leave the bathroom door closed. Haha. ;)

      OMG - and no one wants to move a car with a frosted windshield in the dead of winter. You're so right. We put it off 'til morning so often 'cause were lazy. Or sometimes we do move cars, and then I skip the gym in the morning & screw it all up! I'm sure I'll have a few more posts about it all once we are officially moved in together.

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  2. Congrats on this big step! For some reason I thought you guys already lived together? Do you have a roommate now? Because now I'm really wondering how your rent is so cheap...

    Anyway, wow. It sounds like you guys are ready and have really thought this through. Kevin and I have lived together for 3.5 years now and it's harder to remember a time we weren't living together. It was pretty seamless from what I remember, because we really sort of built up to it - I stayed over there a lot to get out of my crap hole apartment so I basically felt like I lived there before I lived there and that gave us a chance to experience cohabitation before making it official.

    My best advice is to just not overthink it. You will have different routines and different preferences, you will each have habits the other can't stand, but you can't solve all those things in advance - you just have to work through them. It will happen naturally. Sure there will be some bumps and learning experiences in the process, but you two will also get to know each other better and deepen your relationship through it.

    I'm an introvert, so the hardest thing for me was lack of alone time. It's different when you have a roommate because the platonic (or nonexistent) relationship allows you to just hole yourself off in your room or go out without any explanation. But you can't really do that with a significant other because then it's like you're blowing them off or mad at them. If you're someone who needs a lot of space and "me time", setting those boundaries can be kind of difficult. But again, it's just something you work through over time.

    Don't stress. YOU GOT THIS. It will be good times, I promise. I like living with an S.O. so much more than having a roommate or living alone. You get all the perks of cohabitation (split rent and domestic responsibilities, companionship) without the awkwardness of life with a roommate. Yay! :)

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    1. Yeah, I have a roommate now. But not the BF. I stay over there probably 50% or so of the week now, so definitely a natural progression.

      I feel crazy saying this, but I'm not even sure I KNOW how much alone time I do or don't need. Because right now, so much of it is built in when I'm at my own apartment. Even though I've lived with roommates we've always had our own stuff going on, so it was never like a college dorm where you're just together all the time.

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  3. Congrats! Sounds exciting, and I'm sure it will be fun to explore your new neighborhood together and find new favorite places :) It's great that you've talked about the important things. I think the biggest thing for us was not necessarily trying to address all the specifics that could come up but instead work on communication styles so we would feel addressing things as they come up or as we discover how we feel about them. We even took a half day seminar on it that I found really helpful. Someone else mentioned being an introvert and that was one of the things that came up for us too. I need my alone time but just taking it in the beginning kind of made him feel a bit liked I wanted to be away from him. But once I communicated that it was just that I needed alone time to recharge, it was more understandable to him. That type of thing went easier once I learned to communicate with my words instead of assuming we were on the same page.

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    1. IDK why it never crossed my mind to find new favorites together! That would be a great fun date!

      I never thought about it that way. I feel like we've definitely been trying to address specifics, not styles. But we did talk about a check in meeting once a week or so for the first few weeks just to see how we're doing. Find a time when we're both calm to discuss things rather than in the heat of the moment or when there is no time to truly address, like if one of us is headed out the door.

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  4. haha on the granny panties & tampons :) You'll learn a lot, for sure.
    I have to say, I didn't move in with Ricky till the day we got married so I can't offer advice. In our case, it was a done deal - we werent allowed to hate each other ;) haha
    If he's your person, all the other stuff will play out as you learn to adjust lives to each other. Best of luck! Exciting stuff!

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    1. Our plan was originally to wait, and we kind of just decided that it's not important to us anymore. But that definitely brings its own challenges.

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  5. your struggle is only too real! my fiance (now husband) moved in with me to a teeny tiny 1 bedroom apartment and it was rough at first with the alone time. thats when i really started working out more which helped. there was also a pool where i would go hang out and read a book. but the chores naturally fell into place, he is terrible at cleaning bathrooms and i hate cleaning the kitchen so that worked itself out. he still does stuff that drives me insane (we've been living together for 8 years) but its fine. what works best now is if i need alone time i ask him to go hang out with his friends. he totally gets it and goes to have a beer with his buddies. its a win win!

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    1. I'm hoping the BF's odd work schedule will give us some built in alone time.

      I agree though - I HATE cleaning the kitchen.

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  6. I've lived with 2 boyfriends before, but I was also 19 & 21 so I wasn't really in an adult relationship. Like everyone else said, eventually you learn about each other & all of the comfortable-ness comes in time. It's definitely not an easy thing at first, but soon enough you'll forget what it was ever like to not live with each other. Can't wait to hear all about it! :)

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    1. Ah, that seems to be the prevailing thought, that you just gotta do it. We can go on a hike & I can tell you all the deets. & get out of the house! Haha.

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  7. LOL! #1 rule: don't sweat the small stuff and work out a chore schedule. make sure that you know exactly where the funds are going and how it's divided....get that weird stuff out of the way from the get go and you never have to feel "surprised" when it's his turn to do X but he's not doing it.

    other than those 2 things, enjoy!! it's a lot of fun :)

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    1. Definitely don't want to get in a feud about who's turn it is to unload the dishwasher...which I can totally see happening! Haha. We've talked about money but sounds like we have a few more discussion points.

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  8. OMG Girl!! I feel ya! Been there! First let me say, please take my advice with a grain of salt... I'm divorced, so clearly I did not know how to live with a man!

    Ok, Yes on keeping all the things that make you happy, including the granny panties, the braless afternoons, the poop and read blogs in the toilet and chilling in the afternoons after work. If you give up something you really enjoy, resentment can start to settle in, and that's never good.

    When I moved in with my fiancé we made rules... like "the last one to get up makes the bed, or one cooks, the other makes dinner", but those got tossed out the window almost within 2 months. So with that I tell you, stay flexible! Find a way to work things out, talk about it... that is really all there is to it. Talking and coming to an agreement on chores.

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    1. That seems to be the advice. I tend to want to have at least some parts of a plan in place, like who does what & when & how do shower schedules work. But, I guess it's hard to say for sure until we're in the thick of it.

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  9. Congratulations for taking the next step. It will take some time to learn each other but it's also a fun roller coaster. Let's hope there is time for Netflix when you come home from work! The longer commute stinks a bit, but perhaps a good time to catch up on Podcasts?

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    1. Maybe I should start actually listening to podcasts! I'm like the one person that doesn't seem to. I tried one or two and just couldn't get into them.

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  10. !!! haha. i remember we talked about this a couple months ago!
    i have no idea, no tips or tricks. i moved out of my childhood home with my mum in with a friend across the world for a couple months and then moved in with KC. the one thing i have noticed though, is that we are different, everyone is different and how we are raised and what we do is different.... and some things are not worth fighting over. i used to think i wasn't fighting, just making little jabs or comments, but yeah. now i just shut up unless it's a big deal, and none of the things i was annoyed at are big deals, so yeah. pick your battles.
    we do the car swap around, single lane driveway over here. it's super annoying. the solution? i get home after him, so i leave before him. it was too much of a pain to swap cars every night just so i could get an extra hour of sleep or whatever. now i just get up early.
    yes to granny panties. they are essential to life! also, i buy my own tampons. not because KC would be afraid to or whatever, but he'd buy the wrong ones and i just can't be bothered with that lol.
    good luck!

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    1. Haha that's so true about the tampons. Honestly, half the time I don't even know what kind I'll get until I walk in and stare at them for twenty minutes, leave the aisle, pick out new nail polish & then come back to just grab a random box.

      Despite having a lot of similarities in our childhoods we were raised pretty differently, I've already seen some of that come out.

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  11. Ahh so exciting! My boyfriend moved in with me last summer and I seriously love it. The weirdest thing for me was how much of a control freak I learned I was haha. I was so used to living alone for a year and doing things that I always do (shut the shower curtain, hang the towels a certain way, etc) that I would get so annoyed when they weren't done "right." Haha now it's funny to think about though. I told myself to just loosen up and get over it:) Best of luck with everything!!

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    1. OMG I'm already like that, guess I'm gonna have to get over it. He'll leave dresser drawers open like an inch & I just can't handle it. And they won't close because clothes are overflowing. AH.

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  12. I am so happy for you and this is so exciting!

    I have NO tips for you as Jesse and I didn't really have a plan. Even the time of him moving here wasn't up to us - it was up to the immigration department saying "you move to Australia on XX date". We kind of just figured things out as we went along!

    And as for tampons... Jesse would totally not buy them (or he'd buy the wrong ones) so he's lucky I does the grocery shopping :P

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    1. I figure if I REALLY needed him to the BF would buy them. But considering he gets overwhelmed picking off a restaurant menu, I think the tampon aisle would send him into a tailspin. He needs specific instructions for things like that.

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  13. This is HUGE! Good luck with everything! I have a roommate now and love it. We are pretty independent, but also understand each other you know? I hope this is a good next step for you guys!

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    1. I definitely get that. That's how I've been with my past roommates & loved it too. I'm hoping the BF & I can get to a version of that. Maybe a little less independent since we are together, but yeah.

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  14. I'm laughing!!! I love your potty humor. And, what is so difficult about loading a dishwasher? All.these.years.later. Trust me, you'll work it out. Hey, sometimes granny panties are necessary. Just don't change who you are. He'll love you anyway. Good luck! Thanks for linking, Jessie!

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    1. As someone who doesn't currently have a dishwasher, you best believe I throw every damn thing in there I can! So IDK why he puts things in the sink, especially if he just has to handle them twice.

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  15. You will definitely learn alot from each other living with them. I know I did! And there will also have to be some compromising.

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    1. Compromising isn't always my strong suite, but I guess it's about to be!

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  16. Congratulations on this big step. I would naturally assume that you'll love living with your bf (esp. since you already spend 50% of your time there with him anyway!).

    Like others said, you'll probably have to work through some adjustments, but you can't really do that in advance. Just let it happen naturally.

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    1. My little planner loving heart wants to plan it all out in advance, guess this will be a lesson in patience and compromise.

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  17. Good luck with the move! I like having time alone too which is hard with a husband and two kids. But I find being honest from the start is best. Tell him you just want some quiet time, there might not be much space in your new home but you don't always need to be in the same room. It drives me mad when my husband wants to sit right next to me on the sofa. Like, there's tons of space just give me some room!
    I'm sure it will all be fine - it's all about compromise. #twinklytuesday

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    1. Thanks Kiri! I can't even imagine how hard it is to get alone time with a whole family around.

      I think one of the biggest things will be making some changes to furniture & layout of other rooms so that it makes sense to spend time in them.

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  18. I think it will be fun! Different, and challenging, but fun! I think as long as you have the basics sorted - like religion, finances, indoor vs outdoor person, night owl versus early riser - you'll be fine. We fought over stupid stuff like holiday decorations (white lights or colored), getting a pet and his need to get a new car too often. Ha!

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  19. You know, you never know someone.... I mean REALLY know someone until you live with them. It is a lot to think about, I guess my best advice is do unto others as you'd have them do unto you. Oh and pick your battles, some will be worth it and others just wont. You'll do just fine and hey if it doesn't work out then you saved yourself a shit load of money on a divorce! ;)

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