Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Is the grass always greener?

Alternate title : How to not be a jealous bitch when all your friends are getting married.

^ take your pick.

I'm 26. I'm not old, I'm not fresh out of college, I'm stuck somewhere in the middle. Perhaps that's why they call this my mid-twenties. Hmm. Food for thought. Moving on. I am smack dab at the age where it's normal to be getting engaged & married & even gasp, reproduce. 3 years ago it seemed too soon, but now, it seems to be all the rage among my group of friends. Even my Facebook acquaintances.

The BF & I attended 5 friend weddings last year by year end. There are already 6 for which we've received Save The Date's for this year, and we suspect there will be a few more. Every weekend it feels like my FB news feed is exploding with pictures of engagement rings & a million congratulations comments. And I'm just over here trying to not be a jealous bitch. It's really not going well. Thanks for asking.

So, here we are. I try not to pressure the BF before he is ready, I also try not to hate all my friends for getting married, & I try to be just obnoxious enough that I hope I don't get asked to be a bridesmaid. Part 3 is working okay so far.

I don't wait well & that seems to be my option. I picked him, he is my people. Now I want us to be each others peoples forever, legally. Usually if I want something to happen I identify steps to get me closer to my goal & I figure out a plan of action. Train harder, run more, spend less $ & save more $. I can't do that here. What's the game plan to prepare your BF to be ready for marriage? If I missed the how-to guide, please do share.

End Rant.

No questions.
Leave a thought if you've got one to share.

9 comments:

  1. Have you and the bf actually talked about this? Not in a pressure way, but like a "hey, what is your long-term vision for this?" type of thing. I understand not wanting to pressure him, but this is an equal partnership - your feelings are just as valid as his. There's nothing wrong with wanting to get married, if you feel a reasonable amount of time has progressed in your relationship. Just talk to him. It's uncomfortable, yes, but it sounds like it needs to be done.

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    1. Oh yeah, lots of conversations. I probably make it sound like it's never been discussed. But it has, at length. He agrees I'm his people, but doesn't see any sort of hurry.

      So, I guess the more frustrating part is knowing we both want the end goal, but knowing there isn't a lot of "compromise" in this if one of us is ready & the other isn't.

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  2. It never ends... when you get married, it'll be the baby pressure & then the house pressure & the vacation pressure & the Pinterest life pressure.
    It's all about learning to love where YOU are at in your journey - all that matters anyways :)

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    1. Agreed! Very well put, there is always pressure no matter what phase we're in. I would just say try to enjoy it now. Easier said than done, but at least you are both on the same page that you know each other are the one!

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  3. I think there's always pressure to "keep up with the Joneses" but really you've got to do what's right for YOU! That's the only thing that will make you happy!

    Guys are often way more laid back about things than women which is probably the most frustrating thing of all!

    But I promise you, once you're married the pressure doesn't stop there. We were married young and it seems like once you've ticked the marriage box, all of a sudden you've got to tick all the others - home owners, parents, etcetc.

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  4. is he on the same page as you re: you are the person he wants to spend his life with? if so, then that's all that's needed. i knew that my husband (then boyfriend) wanted to be with me for this rest of his life and i was totally ok with that. actually, he wanted to get married and was like, WHOA SLOW DOWN LOL. but seriously, there's no hurry to get married. trust me - marriage is the same thing as your relationship now just with papers involved. enjoy each other; not where you are in your relationship but the fact that you're with someone you love.

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  5. ugh i remember this and i have no advice or anything. KC and I were a bit odd what with the 'i'll get deported by the end of the year so you wanna do this or not?' but I honestly don't know when we would have gotten engaged or married if we didn't have that deadline. there really is no rush. and that's what sucks the most. you want to keep up with the joneses, or you feel left out, or you're like why not? if we both know we are each other's people, what are we waiting for? on the other hand it's like, if we both know we are each other's people, what's the hurry? it's easier said than done, but trust from all the people on the other side - it's no different over here. it's the same relationship. i mean sure, i now have my husband's name (i hated my maiden name!) and we had to pay millions (or thousands) of dollars to the US government just so we could stay in the same country, and I think if we get divorced I get the house and the cats no questions asked (i think he will fight me on one of the cats but they are MINE i tell you, mine) but that's about it. i do like saying husband instead of boyfriend (i never said fiance, i hate the word, i went straight to husband) but apart from all of that.... it's the same. we lived together before we got married, we did other things that some people wait until after marriage for.. lol, and we both had other relationships beforehand so weren't 'missing out' on anything. but i know it's all easier said than done, but there is nothing you can do except wait until you're both ready and it happens. how long have you all been together again? i know some people say it changes after marriage, but i honestly think it's just a feeling of success, like a relief that yay people will stop asking me when we are getting married, i am finally on the same level as everyone else! you know? but then.. when are you buying a house? come on, where are the babies? you have one baby, where's the next one? it needs a sibling! have four! but stop at four, don't you know how babies are made? is this the last one? you guys don't have pets? you only have one car? your house is only 1200 sq ft? don't you want a mcmansion? you don't have a walk in closet? you haven't travelled? where are you retiring? you haven't thought about that? it honestly never ever ever stops. someone will always be ahead of you, others will always be behind.
    i know this is already a post in itself so i'm sorry, i'm almost done. i was jealous of my friend because she got married before me. we got married a year later i think, or a year and a half, but she always holds it over me when i say we've been married x years she's like yes but *i've* been married longer. but anyway. we bought a house a year after getting married (i think, it's all hazy now lol) and they lived with his parents for the first 3 years and only just recently moved into an apartment.. and she's jealous of me, and we've talked and laughed about it. we're all jealous of each other because everyone has something that someone else doesn't.
    also the wedding was legit the most stressful time of my life and i would not go through that again if you paid me a million dollars.

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  6. I'm sure this must be frustrating. I know there's not much anyone can say to make you feel better about this, but hopefully he will be ready some day soon and then you will be the ones sending out save the dates!

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    1. Thanks Mattie! I sure hope so too. I was hoping someone would drop a little pearl of wisdom that would totally make my bitchy feelings go away, but I don't think any words except "Will you marry me?" will do that right now. Haha.

      Thanks for chiming in.

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